Saturday, June 2, 2012

Gone But Still Fat

There is so much to say, yet not much to say all at the same time. A few things have happened that I won't discuss, but 2012 hasn't been my best friend, but it also hasn't exactly tortured me either. I'm still here aren't I? 

But I'm trying to get back on it with some issues. I am never full. This isn't a new issue, just one that I never brought up. Though a real issue, it's also embarrassing. My appetite is larger than what I would call normal. I went to my primary physician to discuss weight loss surgery (LapBand or the gastric sleeve) and she shot me down. She treated me as if I was completely unaware of how weight loss works, what a good diet is, etc. She shot me down each time I tried to speak, she ignored everything I said, and tried educating me. I went as far as to tell her she could look at this blog and see this is a struggle and that I do understand dieting, weight loss, etc. Again, she ignored me.
Instead, she wants me back later this month to see where I am. She suggested I try proper dieting (yes, because I have never tried that) and keep track. I tried explaining over and over, I don't have a problem losing weight. I can lose weight no problem. But I eat my points or calories allotted (depending on the diet I'm following) and I'm still hungry, all day.

Drink a glass a water before/during/after/all three? Yeah, I've done that too. Fluids and solids, however, digest differently. So I repeat, I'm always fucking hungry. But alas, no matter what, she wouldn't listen. So today, here I sit, hungry. All day, hungry. I'm so frustrated. I've cried so much over all of this, what is my life, and the fact that people think it's so simple. Even my own fucking doctor thinks it's easy. If it was so easy, do you really think I would be like this!?

Most people would not choose this. Heavens knows I did. Never have, and never will want this. I understand a proper diet ramps up the metabolism, but when you're always hungry, your metabolism slows down; survival mode. 

So I'll go to that appointment and I'm not leaving without getting her to do what's necessary with my insurance to get a step closer to the surgery that I so badly need. Yes, need. There's no other answer. I feel like surgery is my last hope. If she still refuses and wants to treat me like I'm a brain dead person, I'll be getting a new doctor.
I can't help but think, though, if she shot me down the way she did, and treated me the way she did, how many others has she done this to, and how many other doctors are out there like that? Like it or not, people, maybe you're one of them, too, talk about this obesity epidemic, something needs to be done, etc etc. Well, how many 'MEs' are out there being ignored, treated like idiots, and blown off when searching and begging for help? Those doctors have not done their job. They have merely contributed to the very problem that they and so many others say needs to be fixed.

Until she can prove me wrong, my overall, general respect for her and others that complain about others' weight and 'how to solve it' has just dropped into the negative.

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